I remember the day distinctly, I was driving around in my always in style bright red 94’ Taurus, it was a gorgeous fall morning, and I somehow landed the day off work. Having recently broken up with my boyfriend of a month (simmer down ladies, not everyone can have long lasting relationships like I can) I was in surprisingly good spirits. While on my way to the mall for some fall shopping and self esteem boosting, I called up a friend to talk about my recent breakup. “Hey, at least you’re not pregnant, that’s a positive right?! Can you imagine?!” Oh I could definitely imagine.. And it was not a thought I wanted to entertain! “Ha! That would be crazy! I should take a pregnancy test just to freak him out!”
So in between my retail therapy and Subway sandwich, I swung by the Dollar Tree for the most generic pregnancy test I could find and figured “Hey, while I’m here I may as well take it.”. It’s amazing the things our brains remember isn’t it? I can hardly remember what I ate for lunch, but I’ll never forget the bathroom stall I was in the day I took that test. I slightly hovered in JC Penny’s less than satisfactory bathroom. While I peed on a stick, meticulously trying to avoid splashing myself in the process, I thought “Huh…I wonder what I would ACTUALLY do if this bugger came back positive…”. Luckily for me I didn’t have to wait that long to think about what my reaction would be. In the time it took me to pull up my pants and text my friend about the embarrassment of buying this test, it was already done. When I looked down it was quite similar to any daytime soap opera when the woman has just had a mind blowing revelation. The lights dim, the camera zooms in, a dramatic slow piano tune starts playing in the background. Time stopped, for what seemed like days.
I stood hunched over this toilet, staring at this dollar tree stick, dripping with pee, that read I was pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. As in, there was currently another life invading my body. My body which just inhaled a foot long sub and was contemplating which pair of tights I should buy. I must’ve read the test wrong. It’s not as if I’m some type of pregnancy test guru. I spent the next hour going all over Lancaster to various stores and bought seven, YES, seven pregnancy tests. Heck, if I wasn’t a pregnancy test guru before, I would be before this day was done. I sped home and guzzled as much water as what I thought my body could handle without actually exploding and locked myself in the bathroom. One by one, while praying, I took these tests. “Dear Lord, PLEASE do not let me be pregnant…you know what I do! Good God I can barely take care of myself! If you have these tests come back negative, I swear, I’ll never have sex again.” That’s typical isn’t it? To plead with God in our most desperate of times as if He is some type of bookie willing to bargain our sins away. Well everyone we live in the real world and God is anything but a bookie. Our decisions are our own and realistically speaking, if you decide to have unprotected sex, chances are you’ll end up like me. On the bathroom floor surrounded by pregnancy tests that seem to be all but screaming that your life as you know it, is over.
Ashley Wilson 