Fast forward a couple weeks, my mother finds out I’m pregnant unfortunately as she was putting gas money into my purse. Leave it to my disorganized self to leave all seven tests in my bag like some type of Magic 8 Ball hoping when I looked at them, they would somehow change. My father, perhaps worse off, found out after I got into a car accident. A accident which could have and probably should have killed me. I was brought into the ER and was questioned about which tests I can and cannot receive due to the pregnancy. How’s that for a pregnancy announcement?
The next month or so is a blur to me. It seems as I’ve come to learn about myself over the years, that when under extreme stress or trauma my brain prefers to block things out, a protection of sorts. What I do remember however is a series of conversations with my child’s father. Both of us were panicked, confused, horrified and used our humor to cope. For reasons important to us both we decided (even though I had always taken a firm stand against it) that abortion was the best option. Neither of us could handle this, we weren’t even together. So I made a hasty appointment, only to cancel it the day of. As panicked as I was i just couldn’t do it. Simple as that. Call it God, call it nerves, call it whatever you want, but I knew in my heart that I couldn’t take away a life simply because I didn’t have mine together.
When I let my ex know that abortion was no longer in the cards for us, he was very straightforward with his thoughts. Whatever I decided was up to me however, if I decided to mother this child, he would not play a part. There was something so deep rooted in those words that I knew in the depths of my soul, nothing I said would make him say otherwise, Suddenly mothering this child was no longer even a thought that crossed my mind. There are times in each of our lives where it’s as if a light suddenly flicks on. You know without a doubt the path you need to follow and your thoughts become a one track way of thinking. Abortion couldn’t be my path and unfortunately at 18 years old, dealing with numerous struggles of my own, being a mother was also not in my path. This left adoption.
Ashley Wilson 